Lost post-grad genderqueerdo wanderer working through self-awareness and empowerment. Veggie-lover, biology & nutrition student, and hopeful nutritionist. I knit, learn code, paint, lindy-hop and I like to surround myself with kitschy creepy cute crap, with spikes. I'm an egalitarian that focuses on patriarchy, conflict resolution and communication.
I found this in my developmental psychology textbook.
Why’d you have to go and make me question my relationship with my father
I hate when people say “women just don’t understand math and science” LIKE MAYBE WE NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO LEARN THAT SHIT
About a year ago, as TLA was starting to get a lot bigger, I noticed the beginnings of a strange new pattern. People started calling me a “tr*nny” in the comments of some my photos. Even now, as I’m typing this, my brows kind of furrow into a confused expression.
It’s not that I’m offended and appalled anyone would think I’m transgender (because, obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being transgender), it’s just that I’m a bit taken aback people would attempt to use gender identity as an insult. 1) How is being transgender a bad thing? 2) Why in the world are you still using those slurs?
But as it happened more and more (never what I’d call “frequently,” but often enough to take notice) and as The Lingerie Addict established itself as an anti-bullying environment, that whole thing got me thinking about body snark. One of the most offensive aspects of body snark is that it’s used to delegitimize women (as the popular phrase like “real women have curves” makes clear). Suddenly, instead of just being a woman, full stop, there are degrees of ‘real’ womanhood to aspire to. And if you don’t make the cut, then I suppose you’re a fake woman. Which is just weird. And silly. And wrong.
Call out your bros.
I have literally never seen a guy tell another guy that he is being sexist, misogynist, or slut-shamey.
Not even once.
Call out your bros.
and for those interested, you can find the report HERE
Just in case any dudebros are unclear on what this means: it means that your buddy who totally just had some bitch trying to ruin his life by accusing him of rape…almost certainly actually did rape her.
Just keep that in mind.
Yeah man, imagine that, bitches don’t be lying.
Can we put this into context? It means that 99.4% of rape allegations are true.
It means that 99.4% of rape allegations are true.
When you read through and learn about those 0.6% who did make false allegations, there are some seriously important things to note. Firstly :“Furthermore, the report shows that a significant number of these cases involved young, often vulnerable people. About half of the cases involved people aged 21 years old and under, and some involved people with mental health difficulties. In some cases, the person alleged to have made the false report had undoubtedly been the victim of some kind of offence (sic), even if not the one which he or she had reported.”And then, when you get into the case studies you find things like a 14 year old girl sleeping with an 18 year old. When discovered, she claimed the sex was non-consensual in fear of her father’s disapproval, but investigation of texts and emails found that to be untrue. THAT SAID, the 18 year old was found to have a history of pursuing and seducing many very young girls, and once he was counseled he expressed not only regret over his actions, but the knowledge that he was purposefully picking vulnerable girls who could be easily manipulated into consent.Another case was a married couple, where the wife claimed rape and domestic violence, so the husband was arrested and held. After some contact between the two while he was incarcerated, she went back to him and wanted the charges dropped. It’s okay because she still loves him. When the DA decided to keep going, she suddenly said that she made it up and he never raped her at all.
Further counseling revealed that the allegations were true, but she didn’t want to be without him so she lied about the allegations being false.
I don’t know about you, but this kind of sounds like classic domestic violence, and the kind of patterns you get into after living with an abuser.The point I’m trying to make is that even though there are 0.6% false claims… when you break them down you find that there’s generally a lot of skeevy shit going on, and like the above quote, many of the alleged rape victims are actual victims of other abuses. For some of them, I’m guessing that an allegation of rape was the only way to bring enough attention to their abuse to finally get protection by law enforcement, or enough care from family to be freed from their abusive situations and moved somewhere safe. Some are mentally ill and have been taken advantage of, or are victims of statutory rape because they are not even remotely mature enough to truly consent to a sexual relationship with an adult.
These cases aren’t just as simple as, “some bitch regretted sex and cried rape”.
This is not my usual post. But it’s something I had to share. As you read this, imagine how your reaction would differ if this story were being told by a woman, talking about how her husband treated her.
I have been separated from my wife for over a year, though we continue to share a house. We live on separate floors. We share the house because we need to parent our son together, and because we can’t afford to maintain two households.
I’d like to tell you a story, illustrating one reason why I am divorcing her. This is an example of the treatment I have received over the past fourteen years.
This evening, while she was drinking her wine, my estranged wife took exception to the fact that I wanted to talk about how tense she’s been. She said she didn’t want to talk about it.
I left the room (so as to comply with her request).
I went upstairs to use our tiny guest bathroom. She began to yell and throw things around the kitchen, then eventually charged up the stairs and into the bathroom, just as I was finishing and getting ready to leave. She confronted me there, holding her half-full wine glass in her hand. Her voice got louder, her gestures wilder.
She complained that I had upset her by wanting to talk when she had told me she didn’t want to talk. As I began to feel uncomfortable, I said, “You’re saying it’s my fault you can’t express your emotions responsibly like an adult?”
She said, “Yes!! It’s because you want to go off and take a vacation with your girlfriend!” Then she threw the contents of her glass in my face and smashed it against my bare chest.
The results are pictured here.
I stood there, with shattered glass at my feet, glass shards sticking in my skin, bleeding, for five minutes or so. I asked her to move so that I could leave. She waved the broken stem of the glass in the air and said, “Leave!! Who’s stopping you?”
I told her she was standing between me and the door. I felt threatened.
She laughed and said, “You’re 6 foot 3 and 250 pounds! You can’t feel threatened by me!”
I said, “You just broke a glass on my chest and cut me. You’re standing there with the stem in your hands. Yes. I feel threatened.
She said, “No, you don’t.”
I asked her to move out of the way and let me pass. I didn’t want her to think I was pushing her or threatening her.
She held her ground, waved the broken stem and shouted, “Go on! Leave! I’m not stopping you!”
After I asked her repeatedly, she finally moved a bit and I left, carefully stepping over the broken glass.
I have posted this here as evidence, and to help those who may think that size and gender make a difference when abuse is concerned. People who, like my estranged, think some have permission to feel threatened and some don’t.
Abusers come in all sizes and genders.
She and I went to a half dozen therapists over the years. At each initial session, every therapist took a look at me, then at her (5’4” 150 lbs.). Then he or she would gravely ask my wife, “Do you feel safe?”
None ever thought to ask me.
Thanks for listening.
I hate when people get up in arms about people mentioning that women can be just as abusive and can be domestic abusers. Also it’s not always mutual so stop saying it as if it only happens out of self defense since that seriously is not always the case. That doesn’t mean anything over the fact that women aren’t abused or anything of the sort. Women aren’t always just victims though many MANY times they are. What is so fucking wrong with saying that women can be abusive as well. Shouldn’t we all be against domestic violence towards any gender, towards all people?
Edit: As a side note i’m going to add that i’ve witnessed my father being in pretty much this same situation. While he is a shitty person he is in an abusive relationship with a drunk, violent, and hateful person. He can’t even protect himself or use self-defense in case it’s taken the wrong way and that he’ll end up in jail. His wife has beaten him black and blue and all of their children have seen, as well as i’m sure the office he works in as I saw him with a cut lip and black eye while going to work. She purposefully does things like grabs his shirt and try and pull him on top of her, as i’ve personally seen this when he’s trying to walk away and she ran over and did this when he was never trying to engage with her at all. His wife is a liar and has blatantly and clearly lied to the cops and resisted arrest while drunk driving, and STILL the county police will take her side in a heartbeat despite the records she has with the state police. No one deserves abuse, not even real shitty people.
How men should react to male victimization: Man, this is fucked up, we need to start tearing down these stereotypes and generalizations that cause male victims to be ignored
How men react to male victimization: *waits until women talk about abuse* BUT IT HAPPENS TO MEN TOO!!!!111!!!
“Non-married Women with no children earn 17% more than Non-married Men with no children, even when working the same hours per week.”
So it’s all right that you can justify a wage gap between male and female nurses because male nurses specialize but when women do it it’s not okay? It’s a double standard that if men do something to increase their chances of employment (which is multi-faceted) that it’s because they are more qualified. When women do it it’s pandering to gender and they couldn’t possibly have more or varied skills that fit the criteria of a job. Yeah okay then.
In instances where they make the same choices, they are often compensated the same, he says.
He cites the widely held belief that female surgeons earn less money than male doctors do. “But it’s actually a gap between married men with kids and married women with kids,” he says.
> Wage gap
Think about this, why would anyone want to hire a women over a man in certain fields when they expect women to take the role of caretaker and most likely leave or decrease the amount of work they’re able to do. It’s cultural expectation that women are the primary caretakers of their children. It turns it into either working twice as hard to run a household and work in your career, or you are seen as being selfish and ignoring your children by choosing your job, or being lazy and not qualified when you choose your children. That is not a choice for most husbands or fathers (not that some don’t make this choice or want it), how the fuck it is “equality” when wives/mothers almost always have to make that choice. This is America, if it’s not profit then it’s not worth it to hire those people in the first place. Why was there no statistics on this instead of just stating it.
Can we all, as a society, stop acting like shorter men are somehow inferior human beings to taller men? This is something that has been annoying the crap out of me recently.
I started getting angry about this topic about a year ago. My best friend gave me an otherwise charming book called How…
I think this speaks for itself. Accepting a person doesn’t mean you get to put limits on their freedom. You can’t be an ally and want us to stop talking, or labeling, or demanding to be heard.
Acceptance has no exceptions. Period.
I heard some person say men can’t wear dresses, so I made this in like 30 minutes just because
(Source: , via lipstick-feminists)
Roberto Ferri, Prison Tears
I hate to destroy and slander a piece of art because I think the technique and skill is beautiful and that both figures look fantastic. I can’t not look at this piece and feel like it doesn’t suggest of some idea of what women should conform to and how men can be entitled and treat women. An object to hold and being manhandled. Someone without a face with only these breasts and hips to bear judgement for the taking.
This impressive monument in Heilongjiang Province is a war memorial in honor of Eight Women Soldiers of Wuchang who fended off the invading Japanese army in 1938. The Chinese had been been taking heavy losses in a fierce battle at Wuchang, when these eight soldiers of the Women’s Regiment decided to make a stand which would allow some of their comrades to retreat. They all sustained injuries and fought until they ran out of ammunition, at which point they joined hands and threw themselves into the swift waters of the Wusihun River in order to avoid enemy capture.