an0m0ly:

Damage

This is not my usual post. But it’s something I had to share. As you read this, imagine how your reaction would differ if this story were being told by a woman, talking about how her husband treated her.

I have been separated from my wife for over a year, though we continue to share a house. We live on separate floors. We share the house because we need to parent our son together, and because we can’t afford to maintain two households.

I’d like to tell you a story, illustrating one reason why I am divorcing her. This is an example of the treatment I have received over the past fourteen years.

This evening, while she was drinking her wine, my estranged wife took exception to the fact that I wanted to talk about how tense she’s been. She said she didn’t want to talk about it.

I left the room (so as to comply with her request).

I went upstairs to use our tiny guest bathroom. She began to yell and throw things around the kitchen, then eventually charged up the stairs and into the bathroom, just as I was finishing and getting ready to leave. She confronted me there, holding her half-full wine glass in her hand. Her voice got louder, her gestures wilder. 

She complained that I had upset her by wanting to talk when she had told me she didn’t want to talk. As I began to feel uncomfortable, I said, “You’re saying it’s my fault you can’t express your emotions responsibly like an adult?”

She said, “Yes!! It’s because you want to go off and take a vacation with your girlfriend!” Then she threw the contents of her glass in my face and smashed it against my bare chest.

The results are pictured here.

I stood there, with shattered glass at my feet, glass shards sticking in my skin, bleeding, for five minutes or so. I asked her to move so that I could leave. She waved the broken stem of the glass in the air and said, “Leave!! Who’s stopping you?”

I told her she was standing between me and the door. I felt threatened. 

She laughed and said, “You’re 6 foot 3 and 250 pounds! You can’t feel threatened by me!”

I said, “You just broke a glass on my chest and cut me. You’re standing there with the stem in your hands. Yes. I feel threatened.

She said, “No, you don’t.”

I asked her to move out of the way and let me pass. I didn’t want her to think I was pushing her or threatening her.

She held her ground, waved the broken stem and shouted, “Go on! Leave! I’m not stopping you!”

After I asked her repeatedly, she finally moved a bit and I left, carefully stepping over the broken glass.

I have posted this here as evidence, and to help those who may think that size and gender make a difference when abuse is concerned. People who, like my estranged, think some have permission to feel threatened and some don’t.

Abusers come in all sizes and genders.

She and I went to a half dozen therapists over the years. At each initial session, every therapist took a look at me, then at her (5’4” 150 lbs.). Then he or she would gravely ask my wife, “Do you feel safe?”

None ever thought to ask me.

Thanks for listening.

I hate when people get up in arms about people mentioning that women can be just as abusive and can be domestic abusers. Also it’s not always mutual so stop saying it as if it only happens out of self defense since that seriously is not always the case. That doesn’t mean anything over the fact that women aren’t abused or anything of the sort. Women aren’t always just victims though many MANY times they are. What is so fucking wrong with saying that women can be abusive as well. Shouldn’t we all be against domestic violence towards any gender, towards all people?

Edit: As a side note i’m going to add that i’ve witnessed my father being in pretty much this same situation. While he is a shitty person he is in an abusive relationship with a drunk, violent, and hateful person. He can’t even protect himself or use self-defense in case it’s taken the wrong way and that he’ll end up in jail. His wife has beaten him black and blue and all of their children have seen, as well as i’m sure the office he works in as I saw him with a cut lip and black eye while going to work. She purposefully does things like grabs his shirt and try and pull him on top of her, as i’ve personally seen this when he’s trying to walk away and she ran over and did this when he was never trying to engage with her at all. His wife is a liar and has blatantly and clearly lied to the cops and resisted arrest while drunk driving, and STILL the county police will take her side in a heartbeat despite the records she has with the state police. No one deserves abuse, not even real shitty people.

(via eviga-sommaren)

patrickandmarcus:

How men should react to male victimization: Man, this is fucked up, we need to start tearing down these stereotypes and generalizations that cause male victims to be ignored

How men react to male victimization: *waits until women talk about abuse* BUT IT HAPPENS TO MEN TOO!!!!111!!! 

(via theraceproblem-deactivated20130)

- ? Mar 20th 2013

Warren Ferrall explains why the wage gap is a myth.

bumfbydu:

“Non-married Women with no children earn 17% more than Non-married Men with no children, even when working the same hours per week.”

>Wage gap

So it’s all right that you can justify a wage gap between male and female nurses because male nurses specialize but when women do it it’s not okay? It’s a double standard that if men do something to increase their chances of employment (which is multi-faceted) that it’s because they are more qualified. When women do it it’s pandering to gender and they couldn’t possibly have more or varied skills that fit the criteria of a job. Yeah okay then.

In instances where they make the same choices, they are often compensated the same, he says.

He cites the widely held belief that female surgeons earn less money than male doctors do. “But it’s actually a gap between married men with kids and married women with kids,” he says.

> Wage gap

Think about this, why would anyone want to hire a women over a man in certain fields when they expect women to take the role of caretaker and most likely leave or decrease the amount of work they’re able to do. It’s cultural expectation that women are the primary caretakers of their children. It turns it into either working twice as hard to run a household and work in your career, or you are seen as being selfish and ignoring your children by choosing your job, or being lazy and not qualified when you choose your children. That is not a choice for most husbands or fathers (not that some don’t make this choice or want it), how the fuck it is “equality” when wives/mothers almost always have to make that choice. This is America, if it’s not profit then it’s not worth it to hire those people in the first place. Why was there no statistics on this instead of just stating it. 

(Source: canadian-liberal, via brainwashed-cultists)

- ? Mar 6th 2013

Soapbox Steam: Heightism: The "Socially Acceptable" Discrimination

soapboxsteam:

Can we all, as a society, stop acting like shorter men are somehow inferior human beings to taller men? This is something that has been annoying the crap out of me recently.

I started getting angry about this topic about a year ago. My best friend gave me an otherwise charming book called How…

- ? Feb 26th 2013

Since her death in 1979, the woman who discovered what the universe is made of has not so much as received a memorial plaque. Her newspaper obituaries do not mention her greatest discovery. […] Every high school student knows that Isaac Newton discovered gravity, that Charles Darwin discovered evolution, and that Albert Einstein discovered the relativity of time. But when it comes to the composition of our universe, the textbooks simply say that the most abundant atom in the universe is hydrogen. And no one ever wonders how we know. Jeremy Knowles, discussing the complete lack of recognition Cecilia Payne gets, even today, for her revolutionary discovery   (via hellbentforleather)

(via goldalinne)

- ? Oct 1st 2012

asexual-not-a-sexual:

I think this speaks for itself. Accepting a person doesn’t mean you get to put limits on their freedom. You can’t be an ally and want us to stop talking, or labeling, or demanding to be heard. 

Acceptance has no exceptions. Period. 

(via internal-acceptance-movement)

- ? Sep 25th 2012

superqueerartsyblog:

I heard some person say men can’t wear dresses, so I made this in like 30 minutes just because 

(Source: amypoehler)

- ? Aug 4th 2012

(Source: , via lipstick-feminists)

romantic-kissing-porn:

Roberto Ferri, Prison Tears

I hate to destroy and slander a piece of art because I think the technique and skill is beautiful and that both figures look fantastic. I can’t not look at this piece and feel like it doesn’t suggest of some idea of what women should conform to and how men can be entitled and treat women. An object to hold and being manhandled. Someone without a face with only these breasts and hips to bear judgement for the taking.

(via deactivated-catladysouls)

zuky:

This impressive monument in Heilongjiang Province is a war memorial in honor of Eight Women Soldiers of Wuchang who fended off the invading Japanese army in 1938. The Chinese had been been taking heavy losses in a fierce battle at Wuchang, when these eight soldiers of the Women’s Regiment decided to make a stand which would allow some of their comrades to retreat. They all sustained injuries and fought until they ran out of ammunition, at which point they joined hands and threw themselves into the swift waters of the Wusihun River in order to avoid enemy capture.

(via searchingforknowledge)

- ? Jul 23rd 2012