creolesoul:

Zerlina Maxwell Offers 5 Ways We Can Teach Men Not to Rape

Just in case you missed it, Zerlina Maxwell went on FOX News this weekend and brilliantly put rape culture on blast. While appearing as a guest on Hannity, the prolific writer and social media commentator said that when it comes to preventing rape, we must look beyond the reactionary impulse to just give women more guns. Instead, we need to teach men not to rape.

“I think that the entire conversation is wrong. I don’t want anybody to be telling women anything. I don’t want men to be telling me what to wear and how to act, not to drink. And I don’t, honestly, want you to tell me that I needed a gun in order to prevent my rape. In my case, don’t tell me if I’d only had a gun, I wouldn’t have been raped. Don’t put it on me to prevent the rape.”

Maxwell’s comments got lots of attention and caused a ripple effect on weekend social media. Implicit in them was that the problem isn’t just individual behaviors, but a culture of patriarchy. This morning, she followed them up with a piece at EBONY.com on five ways we can teach men not to rape. “Rape culture is a pervasive part of our society because of social conditioning,” Maxwell wrote. “Yet we struggle to find ways to avoid patterns of victim blaming and many of us would rather advise women on the precautions they should take to avoid being raped as opposed to starting at the root of the problem: teaching men and boys not to be rapists in the first place.”

Here’s a snippet of the five points that Maxwell makes. To read the entire list, march on over to EBONY.

1. Teach young men about legal consent: Legal consent is number one for a reason. Without it, sexual contact with someone is rape whether you intended to rape or not. A woman who is drunk, unconscious, sleeping cannot give legal consent. And it’s not about a woman simply saying “no,” it’s really about making certain she’s saying yes.

2. Teach young men to see women’s humanity, instead of seeing them as sexual objects there for male pleasure: There is a reason why women are shamed into silence and teenage boys in Steubenville, Ohio are caught on camera laughing about gang raping an unconscious girl at a party. The dehumanization of women spans all areas of American life.

3. Teach young men how to express healthy masculinity: The question that’s being asked about what women can do to prevent violence against them is the wrong question. It’s not what can a woman say or do that can prevent being attacked. We need to turn that paradigm

4. Teach young men to believe women who come forward and not to blame the victim: The vast majority of women do not report their rapes to the police and many more only tell one or two people in confidence.

5. Teach young men about bystander intervention: Both Men Stopping Violence and Men Can Stop Rape have bystander intervention workshops for men of all ages. “It’s about community accountability,” says Pandit, “We require men to talk to other men in their lives and tell them about these programs. It is important that we have community networks that hold men accountable.”

(via COLORLINES)

I’m going to agree with everything with this (though men aren’t only rapists). One thing I slightly disagree with is the “healthy masculinity”. I agree that I would much rather have “healthy” masculinity, but I fail to see why we need it in the first place. Why are we putting people in boxes of behaviors and interests which usually polarize. 

(via rapeculturerealities)

My Life In Neon: Sexism against women is more personal than "sexism against men."

stfuconservatives:

iamabutchsolo:

thatisnotfeminism:

A study by Swim et al had male and female students keep a diary of sexist encounters. They found that women experienced more every day prejudices and instances of discrimination, about one to two instances per week,…

I’m not about discrimination in any way shape or form, but this makes a whole lot of sense to me despite that. I’m not here to judge which is better or worse, neither is desireable. 

(Source: )

- ? Mar 11th 2013

satanasa:

 

Proof that finger waves work for everyone. Bam.

(Source: strangeforeignbeauty)

(Source: anormaux)

badwolfonbakerstreet:

jokerchenisdifferent:

oneandonlygabriel:

I really, REALLY wish you could read this article about a father who started wearing skirts because his son likes to wear skirts and dresses and he wants his son to feel stronger
Like, holy shit, the end made me feel so happy 

This is so beautiful I’m sorry for everyone who can’t speak German and can’t read this right now. 

I translated the article. Please excuse any mistakes, it was done in quite a hurry.

My 5-year old boy likes to wear dresses. In Berlin Kreuzberg that was enough to start conversations with other parents. Is that sensible or ridiculous? ‘Neither!’ I still want to shout at them. But unfortunately they can’t hear me anymore. Because by now I live in a little town in southern Germany. Not even a hundred thousand inhabitants, very traditional, very religious. Here my son’s preferences aren’t only a topic for the parents, they’re common talk.

Yes, I’m one of those fathers who try to raise their children equal. I’m not one of those academical dads that while studying keep blathering on about gender equality and as soon as there is a child fall back into the cuddly cliché role images: He self-actualizes in his job, she takes care of the rest.

With that, I have realized now, I am part of a minority that occasionally makes a fool out of itself. Out of conviction.

In my case it has to do with me not wanting to persuade my son not to wear dresses and skirts. Since he wasn’t making friends by doing that in Berlin, after due consideration I only had one choice. To square my shoulder for my little guy and put on a skirt myself. After all I can’t expect the same assertiveness of a preschool child than I do of an adult. Without a role model. So I am the role model now.

So back then in Berlin we already had skirt and dress days when the weather was tepid. Long skirts with elastic bands quite suit me, I think. Dresses are more difficult. The Berliners reacted hardly at all or positive. They are used to weird people. In my little town in southern Germany that’s a little different.

With all the stress while moving I forgot to tell the teachers at kindergarten to make sure my boy won’t be laughed at because of his preference. A short time later he didn’t dare to go to kindergarten in a skirt or dress. And asked me with big eyes: ‘Papa, when will you wear a skirt again?’.

Until this day I am grateful to that woman who kept staring at us in the pedestrian zone until she ran into a lamp post. My son was roaring with laughter. And the next day he took a dress out of the cupboard again. At first only for the weekend. Later for kindergarten as well.

And what’s the guy doing by now? He paints his fingernails. He think it looks pretty on me, too. He smiles when other boys (it’s almost always boys) want to make a fool out of him and says: ‘You just don’t dare to wear dresses and skirts because your fathers don’t dare to.’ That’s how much he has squared his shoulders by now. Thanks to dad in a skirt.

(via internal-acceptance-movement)

angel-cake:

the-absolute-best-posts:

I don’t know, I think it’s rather flattering.

Obviously the only way to wear a shirt.

Men of Tumblr…

Boy, this look is fabulous but I can’t seem to get the bow just right.

At first I was mad because I thought I looked ugly

But I simply added a cute jacket and I became glamorous!

Why are these guys doing this?

I mean, why even try, when the baddest bitch is right here?

This is a great blog to follow, seriously

men of tumblr we salute you

(Source: flightlessmajesty, via spiralred)